May 14, 2009

"If I get a fortune cookie in a Chinese restaurant, I mean, of course, even I have a tendency... I mean, of course, I would hardly throw it out!"

"I mean, I read it, I read it, and I just instinctively sort of, you know, if it says something like: 'Conversation with a dark-haired man will be very important for you,' well, I just instinctively think, you know, who do I know who has dark hair? Did we have a conversation? What did we talk about? In other words there's something in me that makes me read it, and I instinctively interpret it as if it were an omen of the future, but in my conscious opinion, which is so fundamental to my whole view of life, I mean, I would just have to change totally to not have this opinion, in my conscious opinion, this is simply something that was written in the cookie factory, several years ago, and in no way it refers to me! I mean, you know, the fact that I got--I mean, the man who wrote it did not know anything about me, I mean, he could not have known anything about me! There's no way that this cookie could actually have to do with me! And the fact that I've gotten it is just basically a joke! And I mean, if I were to go on a trip, on an airplane, and I got a fortune cookie that said 'Don't go,' I mean, of course, I admit I might feel a bit nervous for about one second, but in fact I would go, because, I mean, that trip is gonna be successful or unsuccessful based on the state of the airplane and the state of the pilot, and the cookie is in no position to know about that."

That fortune cookie passage I was talking about... after we got the fortune cookies that didn't seem to understand us very well.

ADDED: Cookie #1 told me to look for people who generate light and not heat. Cookie #2 told Meade not to ask anyone to do for him anything that he wouldn't do for himself.

52 comments:

traditionalguy said...

The flaw in his argument is "That cookie is in no position to know that." There is no reliable information about a cookie's sources of knowledge. Especially Chinese cookies, where Divination by Cookie is an ancient art. Although all evidence seems to have been consumed except for a crumb here and there.

madawaskan said...

Damn it!

I'm going to punch somebody!

madawaskan said...

OK-

Of course I only skimmed it-

Breath, breath-Namaste crapazoni-

I'm going in....

madawaskan said...

OK what did the cookie say-

Movie: The Westler be very good for you.

Marriage decision take long time?

dbp said...

I have yet to get an actual fortune in a "fortune cookie". All I have ever gotten are stupid sayings. If you append "in bed" to the end, they are often funny though.

madawaskan said...

Boy have big noodle?

[ok i'm out.]

fivewheels said...

Homer: The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well, desserts aren't always right.
Homer: But they're so sweet!

Tibore said...

It's the misfortune cookie that I think the really hip restaurants should hand out. Something like this:


http://www.monkeyspit.net/fortune.php/

... except in a real cookie. I'm tellin' ya, the customers will appreciate the honesty.


;)

tim maguire said...

The fact that the man who wrote the message doesn't know her is hardly a reason to doubt its authenticity. She doesn't really think the guy in the factory is divine, does she?

No, there are thousands of different sayings and fortunes on the cookies. Which one she gets is entirely a product of chance. Chance is what imbues it with mystical meaning, not some sweatshop scribbler. Idiot.

ricpic said...

Won Ton Soup

Egg Roll

Spare Ribs

Moo Goo Gai Pan

Lobster Cantonese

Ice Cream

Fortune Cookie

This was the classic "Chinese" meal that tens of thousands of New York Jewish families ordered back in the 1950's - 1960's, keeping the entire Chinese population of New York afloat by so doing.

ricpic said...

Oops. I left out Fried Rice.

traditionalguy said...

Steamed rice is nice.

Robert Cook said...

I get the feeling no one who has so far commented has seen MY DINNER WITH ANDRE.

It's great! (It came up as an aside in a conversation I was having with a friend just last night.) I haven't seen it in 25 or so years--whenever it came out--but I did see a fragment of it on cable some months ago.

Fen said...

Ah yes, the Trap of Prescience, via Frank Herbert.

You read your horoscope. Its predicts you will a handsome man. And you do!

Next day, it says avoid the interstate. You comply and avoid an 18 car pile-up

Next day, its predicts that social events might create health issues for your family. You keep the kids home from a b-day party and later discover everyone there caught measles.

And as time goes by, your daily life is ruled by a column inch of prediction.

Fen said...

Actually, Herbert's main point was that accurate divination locks you into a path. But he also touched on the previous.

john said...

Are you really sure the world's fortune cookie industry wasn't created for Andre Gregory?

rhhardin said...

and I instinctively interpret it as if it were an omen of the future

Actually that's correct. There are two philosophical theories of language, one as mind reading, and the other as prophecy.

Stanley Cavell on the subject, in Disowning Knowledge in Seven Plays of Shakespeare p.232

Joe said...

The speaker isn't using the phrase "I mean" enough.

bagoh20 said...

You read your horoscope. Its predicts you will a handsome man. And you do! in bed.Next day, it says avoid the interstate. You comply and avoid an 18 car pile-up in bed.Next day, its predicts that social events might create health issues for your family. You keep the kids home from a b-day party and later discover everyone there caught measles. in bed.And as time goes by, your daily life is ruled by a column inch of prediction. in bed.Hey, it really does work!

Lem said...

I get the feeling no one who has so far commented has seen MY DINNER WITH ANDRE.

I've had the movie in the Netflix queue for months.

It's availability is unknown. It appears that whoever has ordered them has kept them.

Lem said...

Althouse.. will you please send the movie back ;)

Meade said...

traditionalguy said...
"Steamed rice is nice."

but goetta is betta.

traditionalguy said...

Meade... That goetta sounds delicious since I love oats and ground beef&pork. There is a German/Bavarian grandfather lurking in my family tree. I'll ask Publix to order some unless the output is reserved to feed German customers around Cinci.

madawaskan said...

So Meade would marry himself?

And, Meade is hot stuff.

John Lynch said...

Cookies?

dannyboy said...

Am I the only lad who gets turned on by the shape of fortune cookies?

Lem said...

The speaker isn't using the phrase "I mean" enough.

Pelosi is an unusually bad liar.

Somebody save Pelosi from herself.

dbp said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lem said...

I was not briefed when I was informed that I was brief because it was too brief. I was told we were told, I only had a brief look at it. I was informed, but I was not told. So you see, I was never told.

dbp said...

dbp said...
See, here is how the "in bed" helps.

# 1. Look for people who generate light and not heat, in bed. --enigmatic, but okay.

# 2. Do not to ask anyone to do for you anything that you wouldn't do for yourself, in bed. -- not side-splittingly funny, but it almost always at least partially works.

Jason (the commenter) said...

dbp, you're supposed to add "except in bed".

Methadras said...

Fortune cookie fortunes are computerized and fortune cookies are not chinese, but american and they are almost never wrong. Ambiguity ++

Laura(southernxyl) said...

Has anyone else read Handling Sin?

"You will go completely to pieces by the end of the month."

Donna B. said...

You guys are reading too much into this. The only important part of fortune cookies are the lottery numbers on the other side.

I'll let you know how heeding those turns out for me.

Eli Blake said...

Who says fortune cookies can't be important?

Right around Christmas in 1991 I took my girlfriend out to a Chinese restaurant, and earlier that day I dropped by and paid the waitress to pick the fortune out of one of them with a pair of tweezers and stuff in the proposal ("Will you marry me?") in its place. She ate her meal, cracked open the cookie and read the fortune while I was pulling out the ring.

She said yes, and we're still married.

Best fortune cookie I ever had anything to do with.

Largo said...

fivewheels:
You will find happiness with a new love.

Bissage said...

TRUE CHINESE FORTUNES #17: "Your meal poison. Go doctor now. I say no more."

goesh said...

Eli Blake, what a wonderful story - I wish you many more years with your mate

TMink said...

"Somebody save Pelosi from herself."

I would prefer that someone save us from her.

Trey

traditionalguy said...

Pelossi's sheep's clothing is showing a wolf here and there. Will the Obamanites use this flaw to throw her under the Obamabus? There are Trillions of dollars in quick corruption money at stake here. And everyone thinks we will need to replace the Dollar bill with the Ten Thousand Dollar bill to buy a cup of coffee by this time next year. Time is short and the Sheep-wolves are in a panic mode to get and keep their share of the loot.

Lem said...

It’s fascinating to see the 2rd most powerful government official squirming like that.

We haven’t had this since Bill Clintons “I did not have sexual relations”. Pelosi – “I was not told, I was not briefed”.

What I don’t understand is why?
Bill Clinton was being compelled by a court proceeding.

What in havens name is compelling Pelosi to hang herself like this?

Aaron said...

Btw, i am sure ann you know what you are supposed to do with a fortune cookie. Always add the words "in bed" at the end.

Try it. it can be very funny.

Anyway, fortune cookies only seem predictive at all because they are bland and general. So take "a conversation with a dark haired woman will be be very important for you." Well, almost everyone knows some one with dark hair, "important" can mean about 20 different things, and given that there is no time frame, if you are 30 years old (to pull a number of the air), there is probably a minimum of 60 years for it come true. i think it would be hard for me to avoid going 60 years having utterly unimportant conversations with every dark haired woman i know.

Michael McNeil said...

I've had the movie in the Netflix queue for months.

Ever hear of libraries? You might be surprised to learn that there's probably one in your own town, and open to the public to boot. My “public library,” for instance, has nobody in the queue ahead of me for My Dinner With AndrĂ©. It's cheaper (free) there too.

commenter said...

dark haired women turn grey most of the time, especially within 60 years. Then the prediction aint true anymore, or is it? actually their hair turns translucent.

by the way, Yusuf with gray hair and beard on colbert last nite. What a beautiful, beautiful and peaceful face.

Wow, he is back, isn't he. The eyes opened or closed while singing wonderful wow.

NKVD said...

Oh yeah, those muslim extremists are peaceful. And so are all of the people they kill. RIP.

traditionalguy said...

Pelossi is nervous because her fortune cookie last week said, "You will meet a Irresistable Force that has decide you are a Removeable Object". Things are heating up in the DC kitchen as we speak, and Pelossi is wilting from the light of exposure being focused on her all of a sudden (by whom?). A great observation about political "in beds" is that political adultery is dangerous because one other person knows what you did. Herbert Hoover's powerful ways of influence in DC did not go away the day he went away.

Lem said...

Ever hear of libraries?

Ever hear of movies and books taken and not returned?

Michael McNeil said...

Ever hear of movies and books taken and not returned?

So they should replace it. Or you could try requesting an interlibrary loan.

dbp said...

This thread will only go down-hill from here.

Except in bed.

commenter said...

NKVD,

to ask the same question as YI

Where do you go, where do you go,
To find happiness,
In a world filled with hatred,
Where do you go, where do you go,
If no one cares,
And everybody's lost, looking for theirs

Joe said...

I get the feeling no one who has so far commented has seen MY DINNER WITH ANDRE.I have. It sucked.

(It was 110 minutes of windbaggery made worse by half of it coming from Wallace Shawn.)

Frodo Potter said...

“My Dinner with Andre” is a great movie. I had of course heard of it and had been meaning to see it for years. Then finally, within the last six months, I finally rented it. One might think that, with only three or four actors in the movie total, it would be boring, but the interplay between the two men is fascinating. It unfolds in real time and the conversation is very believable. A lot of it is autobiographical, so it almost has a quasi-documentary quality to it. But don’t try to buy it; it’s out of print.

On another note, I read somewhere recently that there has been a spate of lottery winners who got their numbers from fortune cookies.