May 16, 2009

We're here at the laundromat...

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There's an old Reader's Digest large-print edition.

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"Now, I can enjoy my bath again safely."

See that unicorn on the table? I got hit by it later. Accidentally. Don't think the unicorn-loving girl became enraged at me. Just a little careless unicorn-flinging at the laundromat. [ADDED: Vicious. You hit me with a unicorn.]

Jane Russell needs telescopic glasses:

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I wonder how the world sees us.

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(Enlarge.)

48 comments:

John Stodder said...

You, a lawyer! At a coin laundry!

Meade said...

"I wonder how the world sees us"

I know what you mean.

Apparently, the world could use a pair of Jane Russell's telescopic glasses.

former law student said...

In the Midwest, young moms are almost always chunkier than their husbands. What would maxine say about that?

rhhardin said...

The chairs should be in front of the machines, watching the clothes tumble in the front-loaders.

It was better than TV, back when my mom had one.

EDH said...

I wonder how the rest of the world will feel after getting hit over the head with Obama's hope- and change-shitting unicorn?

rhhardin said...

The unicorn ate it gravely .

ricpic said...

Damn that Meade is a goodlooking man. And I'm not even Titus.

EDH said...

Aside, what's your secret?

I mean, how does Meade get his whites so white?

And don't give me some "ancient Chinese" bullshit, either.

If I could get my white undershirts to look like that I'd wear them on the outside too!

Trooper York said...
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Theo Boehm said...
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Charlie said...

I want to see Ann's frilly undergarments.

Jason (the commenter) said...

You have to be careful with unicorns.

Titushadadream.... said...

I love the couple at the other table.

Titushadadream.... said...

Is that Joe The Plumber at the table next door?

Windbag said...

I read that "Reader's Digest" article. Who cares what their poll says? The bottom line concerning what other people think of the United States is measured in how long the line is waiting to get in here from their country.

...not too many people lined up to emigrate to Saudi Arabia or Sweden, are there...

I had to go to a laundromat when I was out of town for a couple of weeks this spring. I forgot how much fun it was.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Isn't it nice to know that other countries have our best interest at heart?

Theo Boehm said...
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Juris Dentist said...

Well, at least you've dropped that lame pretense about "off-blog" Althouse.

Gee, pictures from the laundromat. What's next? Pictures of your actual dirty laundry?

Maybe a "guess that stain" contest!!

Bissage said...

(1) See that unicorn on the table? I got hit by it later. Accidentally. Don't think the unicorn-loving girl became enraged at me. Just a little careless unicorn-flinging at the laundromat.

(2) May I please tell another tedious personal anecdote?

PLEASE?

PLEASE?????

(3) It was at the oral surgeon’s waiting room. There were only 6 chairs. And then there was a father . . . and a mother . . . and me . . . and then there was their 10 year old boy.

It is quiet.

He is rammy.

The parents are reading old editions of "People Magazine," in total silence.

And then the little boy comes up to me all bratty-like and then he says, “My daddy’s bigger than you are!” He sticks out his tongue.

So what do I say?

This is a teaching moment.

I say, “That’s very true. Your father is bigger than me. And I’m bigger than you. People come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes and colors and abilities and that’s what makes each and every one of us extra-special.”

The kid says nothing. Instead, he turns beet red and he glares at me with a look of pure malevolence. He starts to vibrate and then he stomps on my foot. He did it with his arms at his sides and with his fists clenched. I can still see it in my mind.

STOMP!!!

It hurt like hell but I keep it all in. I make not a sound.

So I look over at the parents who are about 4 feet away. I would like an apology, please.

Not happening. Instead, they raise their magazines a little bit higher in absolute silence and pretend that nothing just happened. It was as if they thought "People Magazine" gave them the power to turn invisible.

And then, at that very, exact instant, the nurse opens the door and says, “Mr. Bissage, the doctor will see you now.”

So what do I do?

What else could I do? I go in to see the doctor, cool as a cucumber because that’s the class act I am.

(4) Aaaaah, who the hell am I trying to kid?! I pulled my blade, man, and I sliced that kid from ear to ear, man, and then I stabbed his father to death, man, and then I murdered his mother, man, and then I murdered the nurse and the doctor, too, man, just to keep them quiet, man!

(5) I’m still anonymous here at Althouse, right?

(6) By the way, Mrs. Bissage said, and I quote: “Why are you asking me, anyway? You know I don’t like that kind of stuff.”

I say, “Yes, I know, but do you think it’s well-written?”

“Yes, I think it’s well-written.”

(7) ** hits publish your comment button **

(8) I blame her.

former law student said...

"People come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes and colors and abilities and that’s what makes each and every one of us extra-special.”

Man, bissage was just askin' for it. I would have been tempted to stomp his foot, too.

Chip Ahoy said...

Oxiclean.

In spite of that obnoxious intolerable loudmouth, Billy Mays.

You can soak whites in a bucket with Oxiclean overnight, then back off from detergent during the wash. You can even restore discolored old lace table covers to their original brightness. I saw this once on Martha Stewart so that's absolute proof of its veracity. This has been a public service post.

Chip Ahoy said...

My dad is bigger than you.

True. He's also got a little prick

*pause*

for a son, and I don't.

Chip Ahoy said...

I got into the elevator at the sub-basement level. It stopped on the first floor and two attractive women my own age entered. I was holding my camera awkwardly and one of them remarked. I said,

"Portraits, anybody?"

Both are had long straight blond hair, the taller of the two said,

"Here on the elevator?"

I said,

"Yes. I'm the elevator portraitist."

The shorter woman asked with 100% of ernest credulity,

"Really?"

I smiled sympathetically. The doors opened and they exited. The doors closed and I burst out laughing.

ricpic said...

I like it that you pulled out your blade and sliced up everyone with it, Bissage. I just do. That's my immediate gut reaction (no pun intended). And I hope you actually did that. And got away with it. That's all.

Trooper York said...
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Theo Boehm said...
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amba said...

And you think husbands like wives writing on blogs??

former law student said...

It's a cross we'll just have to bear.

Is that like "Gladly," The cross-eyed bear?

paul a'barge said...

uh oh. Not good.

Meade does not own a washer and dryer?

What's up with the stone age stuff?

Theo Boehm said...
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amba said...

If that's the unicorn on the table behind Meade, it looks like it's dead already. Pretty certainly one of those two threw it at the other, and you were collateral damage. What to do when your unicorn dies . . .

amba said...

Being married to an editor could make one a tad self-conscious.

Ralph said...

Who publishes a photo of Jane Russell and crops it that high on her torso? From the gauntness of her face and hands, I'd say she saved her ass, which wasn't her most important part.

Alan said...

Amba, an editor makes you self-conscience? :)

You may find this tribute to my Great Aunt interesting.

Palladian said...

The funny part is that the photo of Jane Russell "reading with telescopic glasses" is a total fake. Here's the real picture, apparently taken of Russell at a 3D film festival trying on some kind of plastic 3D glasses. They just photoshopped some weird, different glasses on her.

The name "Reader's Digest" always grossed me out when I was a child. I always thought of it as the literary equivalent of a mother bird vomiting partially masticated food into a baby bird's mouth.

Theo Boehm said...
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Theo Boehm said...
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Alan said...

Thanks Theo. I was sure someone would find it an interesting read.

Holly said...

Meade is hot.

I've been meaning to tell you that for a while.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Episode 1.043 Wherein Althouse discovers a universe outside of Academia Land where laundry is done without the use of cleaning services, ketchup is used, Reader's Digest is available (in giant print for the infirm natives) and the supertitious are prevalent with their Totemic symbols of Unicorns, Beanie Babies and Big Macs.

Stay tuned for future discoveries into the uncharted hinterlands of Middle America. Thank God she has her guide Meade to navigater her through these mysterious waters!!!

Deborah said...

Why is the woman at the next table hiding her face?

It's too early for me to be looking at pictures of sexy men in white t-shirts

Meade said...

Thanks Holly.

You're hot too.


Here's a treat.

traditionalguy said...

Is that a real Readers Digest? I thought it was gone to wherever The Saturday Evening Post went. As a child I loved the jokes and the vocabulary page. Coin launderies are another great part of life on the road. Everybody is always friendly and courteous, even if you don't speak spanish.

Bissage said...

@Chip, that was hilarious. I wish I had the quick wits and the balls to say something like that.

@Theo, she doesn’t mind my commenting, per se. She doesn’t go for the sex and violence stuff.

In all fairness to her, she saw the comment and made her remark before I took something out. It was pretty vile. I thought it best to let discretion be the better part of valor. As I just said to Chip, I’ve got no balls.

Ann Althouse said...

"In the Midwest..."

It seems more like the South here.

pettyfog said...

Who cares what their poll says? The bottom line concerning what other people think of the United States is measured in how long the line is waiting to get in here from their country.And you have to hunt 'em down and personally bundle them on a plane to get 'em out.
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At this point in time, I'd rather not see a picture of Jane Russell at all. Keeps the good memories intact.
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Was that a rainbow unicorn? I lost my telescopic glasses. That is in Madison, right?

Evan said...

Reader's Digest is wrong. It wasn't "Barack Obama, everywhere". Just most everywhere, but the Economist's worldwide poll highlighted the handful of interesting exceptions.

MadisonMan said...

How can you have a post from Ohio about a laundromat and not mention Chrissy Hynde?